It has come to my attention how believably inactive I am here at DA This is where I'm supposed to say "And I've decided I'm going to turn over a new leaf and change all that etc etc", but I'm not... because I know I can't. That's a lie, I could. But personal issues make it that I can't.

I have 13 deviations all in a working process (that is not an exaggeration! I actually counted) Most of them are just personal pieces that I've been slowly working on. Then I realised I had a trade to do and that's become my priority as well as any competitions that I would really like to enter.

I'm also in a downslide with my art at the moment... I'm never happy with it. I'll be ecstatic with the sketch and then I'll start adding everything onto it and it becomes a very large pile of crapola. Which isn't encouraging me to work on my art any faster.

This isn't one of those "life is so hard I don't have time for this no one wants me here anyway goodbye journals". I don't plan on ever leaving DA no matter how inactive I am, just because I upload something once every two months and therefore no one watches me, doesn't give any reason to leave! No, this is one of those "I envy people who somehow find the time to create beautiful pieces of work at least once a fortnight".

I was going to post that quiz everyone is doing at the moment but some of the questions were just too depressing... I would like to say I don't care that for the 102 people I watch only 28 people watch me and maybe 10 of them bother to favourite my work and out of those 10, 3 bother to leave a comment. But I do care... That's what we're all here for in the end isn't it? To share our work and HEAR what people think about it. Sometimes I do wonder what the point is when the only person who shows interest in me is someone I could just email my pieces to show her anyway.

I actually didn't realise how little notice is payed me here until I looked at my stats. And I kind of wish I hadn't bothered. Ignorance really is bliss it would appear.

School isn't really better I'm passing everything except for History. Which peeves me off because it's the subject I'm working hardest NOT to fail. I didn't try and I got 6 (which for those who don't do the IB course is equivalent to a B+ or A-). So I said "hey, maybe if I actually try I can make it to a 7!" (equivalent to an A+) So I try and drop to a 5. Try harder and drop to a 4. That's okay I'm still passing. Didn't try, stayed on a 4. Thought "Okay I'm going to try and get back up to at least a 5".... dropped to a 3 and now failing.

I've been seriously thinking about transferring to Business Studies. There can't really be any point in continuing to take a subject when overtime you even have to think about just going to it it makes you physically sick (again I'm not exaggerating or being a drama queen). But if I do transfer I will have to learn about 2 years worth of stuff in one term and there's no guarantee that will help lessen my stress...

Friends are good though Friends are the best thing you can have in this life and I have the best! That is the only thing I can thank high school for at the moment. The context of primary school may have been easy but my social life was the shittiest of shit holes. I had one good friend that I could tell anything to (my other two conveniently didn't go to my school! Opal........)

Then came high school and I made one more good friend then another two. I drifted from my primary school friend but made another good friend. I drifted from two and stayed with the other two. Then I made maybe two more. Then I was a senior and IB started and I would call almost all the girls and most of the guys in my IB classes good friends and 10 of them best friends. And despite the distance I have stayed close to the two best friends who don't even go to my school!

It's funny how life works isn't it?

My love life is still nonexistent and extremely complicated at the same time! But it's not all bad complications. Just confusing ones

So I started on a neutral note, fell to a depressing one that I didn't even plan to write about until I started thinking about it! and finished on a happy note. I think that's what this journal is for (for me at least). There are somethings that can only be written and not said.